cynrama

(c) 2007

The Truth About Love
Being as relationships are based on love, I thought this was a good place to start. I believe our epedemic stems from the misunderstanding of love. Divorce occurs because true love was never present, given the wrong identity, or lost somewhere along the way. Non-marital relationships occur because of the fear of divorce, the common misconception of what love really is, or that a belief was instilled to disregard marriage as not being necessary. Either way, we are being cheated. We have been misinformed. The love that the world offers is vastly different from the true love that God offers. When we understand what love is and where it comes from, we will begin to understand that man's idea of love is a far-fetched unreachable goal. When we finally understand this truth we can start to base our relationships on something that is real and lasting. We can build on our foundation.

Man-made love vs God's love

When we think about words like love we automatically think of feelings, but love is not a feeling. Feelings are human emotions and they quickly change. It's no surprise to find love described in the dictionary as a feeling of warm personal attachment, deep affection, sexual passion or desire. If we explain love as a way we feel about someone else, common sense should tell us that the feeling isn't going to last forever. Our feelings change from day to day and even as quickly as minute to minute. So it's safe to say that feelings are not reliable and you can see why a marriage based on feelings would fail.

In a man-made idea, love and romance go hand and hand. We watch romance movies and say "Oh, if someone would just love me like that", but "that" is a fantasy that people have imagined and named "love". Romance doesn't even have anything to do with love. Here is an interesting definition of romance: a baseless, made-up story, usually full of exaggeration or fanciful invention. So by man's own account romance is a fraud and yet we continue to base our relationships on this deception. Love isn't about blissful engagements of hand holding, flowers, hearts with candy, giggles, love letters, and moonlit walks. Love isn't about that "fuzzy feeling" or sense of euphoria that we experience at the beginning of a relationship. That very brief feeling can easily be described as hormones raging to cause the human emotion of lust, not love. There is no existance of "love at firt sight". You could truthfully call it "lust at first sight" or "infactuation at first sight", but not love. Real love is so much more than that.

When we base our relationships on these false ideas we set ourselves up for failure. A person who is ignorant to the reality of true love may begin to wonder what happened to the "fuzzy feeling" they so mistakingly called "love" earlier on in the relationship. When that feeling doesn't return they begin to believe that they have fallen out of "love" with the person they once held so much affection for. Ultimatly causing a decline in the relationship and then adding to the numbers of divorce statistics, or skipping from one relationship to the next looking for fulfillment. We have created an unreachable illusion of love causing our constant disapointment when that expectation cannot be met. By basing our relationships on a feeling or a romantic idea of love, we are wasting our life chasing something that doesn't exist. There is no security in that.

I don't know why the world has progressively adopted this adaptation of love. It could possibly be that, as man has evolved, the simplicity in which God intended our lives to include has slowely been replaced with the self righteous need for more. Nothing is good enough. We always want more. The simple truth in love is just simply to simple. By harboring this analagy, even if it is unoticed, we are only causing ourselves to miss out on all the wonderful things that God intended for us to have in our relationship. We are missing the simple truth in love.

Now that I have explained to you what love isn't, let me share with you what love is. Love is a choice, a spiritual mind set, and a way of life. Love illuminates every aspect of our lives and though real love is shown in many ways to everyone, it is made uniquely manifest in our marital relationships. Love is a direct reflection of God because God is love. I John 4:16 And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. When God is excluded from our marriage we are left loveless. We may have a bond or human feelings and emotions for another person that the world has named "love", but it isn't real love. Real love only comes from God. Here is the real definition of love:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

I would say this definition of love is a far cry different from the worlds definition of love. The description is more than just words but actions to be put into play. When we understand exactly what love is then we can begin to practice these traits until they become a part of us. Let's look at this definition a little closer.

Love suffers long and is kind
Love suffers? How you ask? Because when we love we are selfless, never concidering ourselves, but always serendering one's self to others. Always sacrificing and never taking thought of personal gain. Having patience, being affectionate, gracious, and softhearted.

love does not envy
If we are living in a slefless love then we would be unable to be envious. Envy means to have a feeling of dicontent or jelousy toward another persons attributes or success. To harbor feelings of the sort we would have to be thinking of ourselves and our own personal desires. If love does not envy then we must do the opposite. When we show love we must be supportive and admirable. Being proud of our loved ones accomplishments and to be content to see them prosper.

love does not parade itself,
When I think of a parade I imagine a noticable fanfare of colorful floats, loud marching bands, and large hot air balloons prancing down a busy street. So if love doesn't "parade" it's self then other words would be that love is not boastful, proud, or make a scene of itself. Boastful means to glorify one's self and love is intended to be humble and private,making it special. We don't show love by bragging about ourselves as an individual, but by lifting up the other party.

is not puffed up
When a dog or cat is angry or scared what do they do? They puff up their fur to intimidate their opponents by minipulating their size and making them seem bigger than they really are. So if love is not puffed up that would say to me that love is not quick to anger but slow to temper and has no fear. Love is not intimidating or minipulative, but rather honest and fair. Love is not defensive but is direct in it's communication.

does not behave rudely
When I think of actions that could be considered as rude; I think of things like sarcasm, critisism, disrespect, ill-mannered, vulger, harsh, sharp, and violent. If love does not behave rudely then we would define love with antonyms like tasteful, respectful, civilized, polite, just, humble, modest, and refined.

does not seek its own
This reinerates the above statement of love being selfless. If we are not seeking our own then we are renouncing our selves or humbeling ourselves to others.

is not provoked
Meaning that love holds no discontentment and harbors no feelings of animosity. Love does not hold a grudge but is quick to forgive. Love is not defensive but is open to recieve and be recieved.

thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth
Love does not have a sinful nature but rather engulfs itself in righteousness and dignity. It holds no thoughts of destruction, lewdness, or meaness but is pure in intent. Love is holy and doesn't derive from the flesh or fleshly desires.

bears all things,
True love is strong, powerful and coragious. There is a refuge and security in love. Love can dominate over any circumstance the world throws at it.

believes all things, hopes all things,
Love is confident and trusts in the possibility of fulfillment . Love is never negative but stays true to optimism and the prospect that it holds. Love excells in the faith of perserverance and a common goal to reach for.

endures all things
Love never quits, it never gives up. Love is brave, fearless, chivalrous, and bold. Love is persistant until it prevails, but everlasting and perminent, never ceasing.

Love never fails
Love is always successful in all of it's upright endevours. Love holds all of the characteristics of God himself, and God does not fail. He is unable to fail as is love.

This is true love. This is a kind of love that we can feel safe putting our trust in. This is the kind of love that we can be confident to build on our foundation as we weave it into our relationships. This love isn't a feeling, it's a choice. It's not very often that we feel like being selfless, but yet we choose to humble ourselves in order to show love. We don't very often feel like suffering, but we choose to sacrifice in order to form a union in love. When we put others above ourselves and this undertaking is practiced in relationships we are able to more effectively meet each others needs. There is no satisfaction in meeting our own needs.

Though a person may not hold the real tenor of love they still may be able to show some signs of love. From the feeling of affection we are compelled to act in some of the characteristics of the real love that I have described, but if you are not aware of love's truth and origin then you would be unable to maintain those actions as your feelings begin to change. In establishing the 1Corinthians 13 love we are able to have a constant source allowing us to continue to administer the actions of love.

Love was held at the highest esteem by Jesus himself. When asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus answered,(in a nutshell) to love God and love others. Jesus knew how powerful love is. He knew that by teaching us to love above all else that we could be transformed. He taught us in that simple statement that if we held true to the facet of love that it would be impossible to break any of the ten commandments. It would be impossible to commit adultery if we were practiceing a love that is admarable and coragious. It is impossible to fornicate is we are living in the truth of a dignified and righteous love. If we are holding anothers needs above our own it would be impossible to bear false witness against our neighbor or to steal what belongs to another.

Love should be evident in every aspect of our lives, whether it is in the unique union of marriage or freely given away to others you come into contact with. Love is an awareness and without it all of our indevors are feeble. In the begining of Corinthians chapter 13 it states that no matter what we accomplish in life, it is nothing without love. Even with all of our good works, we profit nothing without love. Life is meaningless without love. Without love, happiness is unobtainable.

I've been so busy lately. In addition to taking care of my daughter and all my household duties, I have started writing again. I used to write when I was younger - mostely poetry. I have since found that I don't really hold a knack for poetry any longer but have moved on to do more writing on spiritual direction. I'm a very opinionated person and I find writing to be the perfect outlet to my opinions. I enjoy expressing myself much more so through written words than actually encounters because I am able to take my time and revise the point Im trying to get across. Anyway, Im enjoying myself, but keeping myself really busy. I'm writing a book on relationships. I haven't come to a decision yet, but Im leaning on the title of The Relationship Epidemic: The Truth and Lies of Love, Happiness, and Relationships. Im going to post a small section of the book and you tell me what you think of it. Remember to take into concideration that the section is in relevence to the rest of the book so some of it may be taken out of context, but you might get something out of it. Anyway, Love to all!